Updated: Sep 1, 2022
This post is sponsored by The Knude Society - a sexual wellness company founded by women, to help people reclaim their pleasure.
My partner and I have been together for almost 6 years and although we have a really wonderful sex life, as time has passed, we have learned that we have different needs and desires. Sometimes I may want to have sex more than he does or he may want to try a position that I don't enjoy, and sometimes we just can't orgasm.
In the early years of my relationship, and during my previous ones, I always took these differences to mean something was wrong with the relationship. I worried that I wasn't enough for him, or we were sexually incompatible, but the reality is that all couples have differences and sometimes needing different things or having different desires is just part of a normal, healthy relationship.
After a lot of growth, communication and acceptance, I became more open about using sex toys. I was more honest about needing solo time and we began introducing them into our partnered sex. I expected to experience more sexual pleasure, but I was surprised how much this improved my whole relationship and helped us develop a much deeper understanding of each other.
I developed a much better understanding of my body
Taking regular time to worship my body and give it pleasure has helped me understand much more about what I need and enjoy during sex. Sometimes we focus so much on pleasing our partner, that we don't really understand what would please us, so being open about needing solo time, has given me the tools to help my partner pleasure me too.
It helped us express our needs and desires more
Redefining what sex meant to us allowed us to open our minds and really think about what we wanted and needed during sex. Everyone experiences pleasure differently, and being more open to including sex toys into our sex life has encouraged us to explore more about our sexuality and how we can satisfy ourselves more. Toys open up so many more potential ways to experience pleasure and they take a lot of the pressure away from needing to perform or be good at everything that your partner enjoys. This gave us the opportunity to really tell each other what we desired and would like to experience.
We experienced more pleasure, more adventure and more orgasms.
Once we were able to communicate more about what we really wanted to try and experience during sex, we could find toys that helped us achieve that. I wanted longer sex sessions and to experience multiple orgasms, but I had always had difficulty with this, especially as I usually climaxed quickly and lost the energy to continue. Using a toy like Gwen, finally enabled me to experience multiple orgasms and allowed us to have much more diverse and adventurous sessions together. After the first orgasm, my body really needed another strong sensation and the powerful vibrations of Gwen, helped me experience that.
The smooth design fit so perfectly between our bodies and acted as a seamless extension of ourselves, giving us the ability to try new and exciting positions. This was especially helpful for giving my clitoral stimulation during positions like doggy, which my partner gets a lot of pleasure from, but I usually struggled with it. Now we are able to satisfy both of our needs.
It bought us closer and we had more honesty and openness
Probably the biggest improvement is that we are able to be much more honest with each other without worrying that talking about sex means there's something wrong with our relationship.
I spent so long worrying about this in the past, that I stopped myself from expressing things to my partners, which just led to less pleasure and more anxiety. Now we're able to express these vulnerable things with each other, it allows us to open up about so much else and know that our relationship is strong enough to handle it.
What does real pleasure mean to you?
I asked the UNGIRL community what real pleasure meant to them, and you can see that it means something a little different for everyone:
Real pleasure is a gentle caress
Real pleasure is feeling good in your body
Real pleasure is understanding your and your partner’s feelings
Real pleasure is feeling desired and wanted
Real pleasure is not penetration!
Real pleasure is being loved
Real pleasure is release, oneness, acceptance, joy.
Real pleasure is feeling connected.
Real pleasure is soft, sweet, hard, raunchy.
Real pleasure is surrender, indulgence, exploration.
Real pleasure is to love and like yourself without guilt.
Pleasure is such a unique thing to everyone, but we tend to assume that pleasure means the same to everyone. We grow up with a rigid idea of what good sex is and what a good relationship is, but it's different for everyone, and it's so important to be able to communicate what you need and desire to yourself and your partner. Understanding your own definition of pleasure gives you the ability to find it, and sometimes a sex toy can help that.
The design has been created to be accessible to many different body types and needs and although it looks gentle and soft, it's incredibly high powered and gives a lot of flexibility of speeds and modes to suit different people. If you're concerned about how to introduce it to a partner, check out our post to help guide you to having an open, healthy conversation with your partner. Remember, your pleasure is valid and you deserve it.