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A Guide to Anal Sex for People With Vaginas

Updated: Sep 1, 2022

Who Can Enjoy Anal Stimulation?

All bodies can enjoy anal stimulation. People with penises may enjoy anal stimulation more due to the fact that their prostate is in their anus, but even people with vaginas can find it very pleasurable and many people can orgasm anally.

Although anal sex is less common amongst women and people with penises, it's an erogenous zone that shouldn't be ignored if you're seeking sexual pleasure and exploration.

Anal orgasms are possible for people with vaginas due to the highly sensitive nerve endings on the vaginal wall and pelvic floor. The nerves of the clitoris actually spread around the genitals all the way to the anus, so stimulating that part of the body can actually stimulate the vulva too.

In addition to this, the vagina can be stimulated indirectly through the anus, which can lead to more intense pleasure and orgasms, especially if other parts of the body are being pleasured at the same time.

One of the nerves that can be stimulated during anal is the pudendal nerve, which carries sensation to and from your perineum, and goes through the vagina and vulva too. So don't discount anal sex just because you think it's taboo, when done safely and correctly, it can lead to a lot of pleasure and deepen your orgasms!

*If you have more questions about anal & anything else about sex, relationships & health, you can submit them to our weekly Q+A, just send them here & subscribe to the UNGIRL newsletter.

What is the Perineum?

The perineum is an area of tissue between the anus and the vaginal opening, or the scrotum and the anus for people with penises. The area is essential for the integrity of the pelvic floor, particularly for people with vaginas, but it's also incredibly dense with nerve endings which means it can be really sensitive and pleasurable to touch and can even give people an orgasm.

This area can be stimulated during other forms of sex, such as oral sex on a vulva, and it is one of the areas that can be very pleasurable when stimulated during anal.

If you're new to anal stimulation, massaging the perineum with a finger is a great way to test out the sensation of the anal erogenous zone.

How to Prepare for Anal Sex?

Anal sex takes more preparation than vaginal penetration and other forms of sex, so it's important not to rush into it. Take your time, make sure you feel ready and comfortable and do lots of research, but here are some essentials if you're excited to explore anal pleasure!

Anal Training

If you're interested in trying anal sex or any kind of anal stimulation, start small! I mean start with a finger, not a penis or a dildo yet. The anus is not like a vagina, it stretches differently and the first time you insert something will be uncomfortable if it's not small and well lubricated.

If you're really into it, you can buy an anal training kit like this one from Self & More, which gives you different sizes of toys to get used to and helps you build up to something larger.

Condoms and Dental Dams

Before you have anal sex, especially with someone with a penis, it's really important to understand the health implications. Anal sex can cause small tears, which means you may bleed. Blood is a transmitter of STIs like HIV, which means that anal sex has a higher risk of spreading infections if not done with full protection.

If you're having anal sex then vaginal sex after, it's really important to use a new condom in between as it's imperative not to spread bacteria from the anus to the vagina/vulva.

Lastly, if you're engaging in analingus, use a dental dam. Dental dams can be used during oral sex on vulvas and anuses and protect against STIs which can be transmitted orally.


If you want to feel more relaxed during anal stimulation, you can do a bit more cleaning and irrigating the area. Try to go to the toilet before and don't eat for a few hours, so not to feel bloated or like you need to poo.

Use the showerhead or wet wipes to fully clean and soap the area, but don't use an enema, as it can actually lead to more serious problems. Read more about cleaning the anus here.

Lubrication - Lots of lubrication!

The anus is not self-lubricating, so it's very different from having vulva or vaginal sex. Because of this, it's really important to use lots of lube and a silicone-based lube like this one tends to be the best as it's really long-lasting. Don't use oil-based lubes as they are unsafe for condoms, and condoms are really important for anal, so try to find a silicone or water-based lube for the safest and most pleasurable anal sex.

Tissues & Wet Wipes

It's always great to be prepared during and after sex and having tissues and wet wipes are great to clean up ejaculate, lubricant and anything else that may happen during sex. Silicone lube is thicker than water-based lube, so wet wipes are a nice thing to have on hand to feel clean.

How to Stimulate the Anus?

Anal & Perineum Fingering

Using a finger to circle, massage and gently penetrate the anus and perineum is a great way to start exploring anal stimulation and see if it feels good for you.

Some people enjoy using a finger to penetrate the anus while engaging in other forms of sex like vaginal penetration or oral sex.


Anilingus is oral sex for the anus and perineum. It's done using the tongue and lips to gently lick or massage the outer and inner area. A lot of the same techniques from vulva oral sex can be applied. You can do it while kneeling behind your partner as they are on all fours, or have your partner sit on your face.

Anal Sex Toys

There are lots of exciting anal sex toys on the market now, that all genders can explore their anus safely and with pleasure! A few of the common ones to try are anal beads and anal plugs, which are designed to enter the anus without a lot of resistance.

Anal sex toys are great for solo and partnered play as they open up a whole load of new sex positions and possibilities for pleasure, especially as most people who enjoy anal sex, enjoy it as part of a dual stimulation of their clitoris or vagina at the same time.

When choosing an anal toy, it's really important to choose one that has an end that always stays out of the anus. This is because the anus can close and you can get something stuck in there, and unlike the vagina, the anus is connected to other parts of the body and it's not easy to retrieve a lost sex toy in there, so choose wisely and don't just put anything up there!

Anal Penetration

Once you're feeling more relaxed and your anus is ready to receive something larger, you can try anal penetration with a penis or sex toy. This might be a little uncomfortable or slightly painful as it first goes in, but with enough lube and lots of foreplay, it should get easier after a short time. Positioning can make a huge difference, and for some, it feels extra pleasurable if you aim the penis or toy towards the wall between the anus and vagina, as this is full of nerves that stimulate the sex organs.

Not everyone will enjoy anal penetration, and if you're feeling uncomfortable, or in pain, don't feel pressured to continue.

How to Increase Pleasure During Anal?

Lots of Excitement & Foreplay

Just like all forms of sex, it's really important to work on arousal and to not rush into anything, especially forms of penetration. The body needs time to warm up and relax so enjoy taking time kissing, massaging each other and playing with oral sex or vibrators to really get you excited and ready to try anal.

Again, if you're new to anal sex, don't start with a penis or dildo, start small! Use fingers, tongues, vibrators or a small butt plug to start off with and go from there if you feel like more.

Stimulate the Clitoris and Other Erogenous Zones at the Same Time

Anal sex is great in collaboration with other forms of stimulation and positions like doggy give you full access to the rest of the body to really explore and take full advantage of all the areas of pleasure! Using toys allows you and your partner to be stimulating more than one area at once, so use what you have and get creative!

Communication is Key!

Communication is key throughout sex, and especially during anal. It can be painful and awkward, so make sure you feel able to express how your feeling and if you're stimulating your partner's anus, make sure to regularly check in on how they're feeling. Even small things like feeling bloated or like you need to fart, can distract you and stop your pleasure, so if you feel like that, don't feel like you have to continue, just try another position and try again later if you like!

It's also really important to communicate if you need more lube, as it can become dry much quicker during anal than other forms of sex, so top it up when you need it!

Don't Feel Pressured to Have an Orgasm

Not everyone enjoys anal and even those who do, may not orgasm from anal alone, so do not feel bad if you can't. Pleasure isn't all about the orgasm, so enjoy the experience and let go of any pressure or expectation you have and remember you can always say no or stop if you feel like it!

What to Expect After Anal Sex


After anal penetration, it's possible that you may fart, but don't worry too much as it's really just trapped air being released, so it's not likely to smell bad and even if it does, who cares, that's just part of having a body!

A Little Discomfort

A little bleeding can be normal as the skin around the anus can be torn a little, this is not necessarily something to worry about, but you shouldn't expect a lot of bleeding or to be in a lot of pain. It also might hurt to poo for a few days after due to the small tears around the anus, but this will heal in a short period of time. If you use lots of lube, this will also be much less sore, but if you are experiencing some pain, there are cooling suppositories you can insert into the anus that can help reduce the pain.

Only Have Anal Sex Because You Want To

A lot of people want to try anal sex just to please a partner. This is not a good reason to try anal, or any type of sex. Anal can be very painful, especially if done badly and if you're not feeling fully relaxed and aroused. Anal sex is not something 'cool' or 'sexy' unless you think it is, so please do not feel pressured into doing it.

Similarly, do not believe someone if they tell you having anal sex won't break your virginity. Although I don't agree with the whole concept of virginity, anal sex is absolutely considered a form of sex that makes you not a virgin anymore.

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