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How to have a fulfilling sex life while living with a disability
Advice from sex & disability activist @mydisabledsexlife
Hello friends I’m Ginny from @mydisabledsexlife and I am an enthusiast and activist for disabled sexuality. On my page I talk about all of the things that happen in my disabled sex life, Please join me on my page to have a laugh and learn lots!
Sex for disabled people
Sex means a lot of different things to different people and being disabled is no different today. Sex is thought of as very rigid and penis in vagina centred, but sex means to me connection and pleasure. So that can really encompass a lot of different things! Depending on your psychical ability some things may need a bit of work to be achieved but you are just as valid and capable of having an amazing sex life!
In our society disabled people are desexualised, treated as asexual, or treated like children. People ask “can you even have sex?” (Don’t get me started on how ablest that is) but yes!!! Disabled people can and do have a lot of great sex.
Overcoming stigma
In our society disabled people are desexualised, treated as asexual, or treated like children. People ask “can you even have sex?” (Don’t get me started on how ablest that is) but yes!!! Disabled people can and do have a lot of great sex. Overcoming that stigma happens when we have open and honest conversations about our sex lives, when we communicate with partners better and of course through the advancement of sex tech and disabled people being represented in porn, media, and sex brands with fetishization.
How to have conversations about sex
It can be very daunting to talk about sex if you haven’t opened up about this before. Trust me I have been there, shocking to believe now that I talk about sex on the internet for fun! I started by talking about sex with friends and family after a few cocktails and expressing that I didn’t really enjoy it. Just being honest about how you feel can be a freeing experience.
Try asking, how is your love life going? Have you bought any good sex toys recently? Do you find (insert position) accessible and enjoyable? 9/10 times everyone is experiencing the same fears, embarrassment and shame and they may be great full for the conversation too!
I’m disabled- what information and support is available?
The internet can be a scary place but there is so much amazing information out there, I can’t recommend the sex educators on Instagram enough. There are great blogs, books and websites
I recommend:
When I spoke to many people of varying disabilities the main theme that came out of our conversations was communication. Telling your partners what is pleasurable, what restrictions you have, what you like, what positions work and don’t work for you, how long you like to play for are all really helpful things and can iron out many problems.
If you’re experiencing difficulties
This is a common thing for disabled people to experience during sex. I had difficulties due to overdoing it and ending up hurting myself, so I’ve had reign in my horniness to what my body can tolerate and the best way to achieve this was communication. I also need a lot of lube to get things working and I needed to communicate this. When I spoke to many people of varying disabilities the main theme that came out of our conversations was communication. Telling your partners what is pleasurable, what restrictions you have, what you like, what positions work and don’t work for you, how long you like to play for are all really helpful things and can iron out many problems.
My advice for anyone who’s starting out and what I wish I’d known when I was younger
Lube and vibrators, sex toys, cushions swings and other aids are there to help, use them! They aren’t a hinderance or competition for our human partners they make things better
Communicate! I’ll say this over and over again
Try new things! Try new positions, new rooms, sex clubs, outdoors, in the kitchen, just because you’re disabled doesn’t mean you can’t have different and varied sex
Being ready is different for everyone and take this at your own speed, especially If you are having medical treatment or changes to medication, take your time
Make sure you factor in aftercare!!!! My partner would take me to the bathroom, run a nice soothing bath and we could talk about all the things we enjoyed and could improve on, it became a really enjoyable and connecting thing after sex that helped us move forwards and got our sex life on track
If it isn’t working... if a certain position or body part isn’t cooperating don’t be frustrated, things change and finding what works can take time, the experimenting is all part of the fun, and you can always try again. As I mentioned earlier even if you and your partner can’t touch during sex mutual masturbation is still as valid of a sexual experience as hanging from the roof.
Accept your disability and learn to love how it works for your sex life. I was trying to carry on like a Pornstar and it wasn’t working for me, I would dislocate, experience tears and hurt myself. But when I accepted what I needed to change and work through I started to enjoy sex
Masturbate! It’s the best way to get to know your body, how it works and what you find pleasurable, lots of sex toys can be adapted and there is nothing more empowering than being in control of your own orgasms, there is absolutely no shame in asking for help from family or caters to set up sex toys and a nice environment for masturbation
A huge thank you to Ginny for writing this incredibly important and helpful piece!
Follow her on Instagram @mydisabledsexlife!
If you'd like to share your perspective on sex, send us a message!
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